Day 4: Your biggest fear as a single person

day 4

I’ve thought about this question time and time again because I know what my answer is and has always been. Few years ago I have abstained myself from dating more so committing myself to a relationship. I dedicated that time to get to know myself better with the goal of being able to know what I want in my life. I also took that time to be comfortable and be independent on my own without having to think whether I am choosing to be in a relationship because I need it rather than because I know I am complete on my own. I found success in doing that hence the first time I decided to be in a relationship again turned out good only to end it after one year and half of happy, content and loving relationship. I couldn’t ask for anything more at that time. It was everything I wanted or so I thought. That person made me happy, feel loved and beautiful every single time he looked into my eyes. Then came a day when I felt I don’t want to be in that relationship anymore. I tried to fight that feeling, I really did, I pushed myself to remain in that relationship until I realized that I could not do it anymore. More importantly, preventing him to be with that person who would love him more than I did. I loved him. But I also fell out of that love. I never thought it would be possible until it happened to me. A lot of my friends told me to stay because he is a good catch but I can’t. It would be unfair to him and more importantly to myself if I stayed. The love I once had for him is gone.  I left him with a hope that he finds the woman who is “The One.”

This made me think, how could a good guy, someone who loved me very much made me walk away? Then I realized that it was me. I became so comfortable by myself and being independent that committing to that relationship that long scared me of losing that independence. That I guess, what fears me the most as a single woman. I have been self-reliant and has full autonomy on myself that having someone to share my life with frightened me. This is something that I fear and so I decided to do and complete the 30 Days of Surrender. I will not fully surrender how I feel about or see myself rather open myself to other people and to that one person I could finally see myself having a happy ending with.

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