It has exactly been a month since we broke up and after all the twists and turns, the heartaches, the shared laughter, the no communication, the anger, the pain and me leaving for a brief time we sit still side by side. No words came out about what we are still doing together. I didn’t ask. He didn’t speak. All I know is that I want to be right where I was.
I went to Sagada in the Northern province in Luzon not to forget you nor to leave behind the love I have for you nor to move on. I left for myself. I was hurting, I felt lost and forgot who I really am like I do not know who I was looking at in front of the mirror. I left without saying goodbye for it isn’t a goodbye. With my backpack I took a bus for 12 hours to reach the place. I had second thoughts somehow but before I left, I whispered a prayer to God telling him that I hope I made the right decision. And He did not fail me.
Few days ago I felt all those negative things within me and because of the time I spent for myself and God, I regained the strength to face all the challenges laid ahead of me. Including the key to finding myself once again.
I trekked a lot, spelunked Sumaguing cave, dined at several restaurants, watched sunrise and sunset at the same day, gained new friends, bonfired and roasted marshmallows, and more importantly prayed a number of times. I knew that the only way to find myself is to be closer to God. To replenish the faith and hope I have lost. To rejuvenate my trust in Him.
As I sit beside him I told him some of the things I did in Sagada. I do not know what he felt or thought about it but looking back at it and seeing myself from a different time, I was happy. I am happy and most importantly fufilled.