Trust

Ever since that day I found out that he is still exchanging messages with his ex girlfriend, that day he told me that there are a lot of women who loves/likes him ( I should have asked him how many out of those women, my self included does he want), when one of his clients told me that he admitted that he didn’t have a girlfriend when in fact we were still together, and that he is broken hearted while we were in our relationship did lessen my trust in him.

I was never that kind of girlfriend who checks a boyfriend’s cellphone, nor someone who asks often where he will be, nor someone who would follow some girl he had dinner with until now. I don’t think it is wrong but that is just not me. That is not who I am as a girlfriend.

More than a week ago he decided to end the relationship because of what I did when I followed that girl. I waited for him to collect all his stuff out of my house and for him to return the keys but he did not. And from then on, we are like in a relationship but we are not. He said he still want to get to know me better and I to him and somehow it is working but like everything else in this world, it ain’t perfect. He would tease me into finding someone new or even accuse me of looking at the other guys at the gym. Honestly, it irritates me now. I do not know if he subconsciously want me to move on and find a new man or he just want to tease. And today, after his work at the gym I saw him rode in someone’s car. He told me he would be teaching some choreo but he didn’t told me he would be picked up by some unknown person. He texted me apologizing he wasn’t able to say goodbye properly to me. I didn’t care.

As much as I want to be able to fully trust him again, at this moment, I just can’t. And as much as I want to hate that girl who told him that I followed her I can’t. I just don’t want to because I believe everything happens for a reason. I know that I still do love him after all the things that happened to us; the happy times, the pain, the anger, jealousy among other things. But I also do know that such love won’t last if he continuously does what he is doing right now.

A Wandering Princess

Betrayal

I’ve had enough number of past relationships and never did I ever experience being betrayed. Nor having to ask someone to choose between me and another woman.

I never knew until now that damn it fucking hurts! Being betrayed and cheated on is the worst thing you can ever do to someone. I badly want to fight for the relationship because I know that deep down I really love this person but I do not honestly know if this love is enough for me to forget everything and move on.

The pain is real and is vibrating to every nerve in my body like I am some pinball machine. I wanted to shout and yell at him but the pain he caused me was more than enough that no energy is left within me.

A lot of my friends and relatives told me to let him choose between me and the other woman. Some told me to give it space and time. I am somewhere in between. And right now I am trying so hard to think things through clearly.

I really do love him. But I also love myself. I am torn between choosing to stay and fight for it or to let go.

A Wandering Princess