Lost Star

In certainty, there is at least about 73% of the human population in this planet who are facing inevitable situations brought upon the way they are living their lives. Quite honestly, I am one of them.

More than a week ago, I hurt someone unintentionally. Words are weapon and I used mine against someone who now resents me. I cried and somehow after all the tears I shed, it can never undo what was done. Those words permanently shattered what little we had.

Every single day is a rollercoaster ride. I used to believe that it only happens in a while until I saw myself sitted on that ride everyday and it is hard to keep up with it.

“You’re never gonna be able to control the things that happen to you but you will be able to control how you feel.”

It is a quote from one of my favorite TV shows and it stuck in my mind though I am still trying to figure out how to really live it.

I tend to feel deeply. I tried to avoid it and it worked thus making me insensitive and so I try to reverse it back and what I actually learned is that it is okay to feel some things – things that really matter to you and to things that will help you become a better person.

I believe that I still have some days to live and I am hoping to figure out what is important to me at this time at my age. As much as people would say I don’t look my age it wouldn’t cover up the fact that I am getting older each day and I am still at a point in my life where I am trying to figure what I want in my life.

While some of my batchmates were getting married, having kids, traveling around the globe, working to get on top of the corporate ladder here I am still thinking and feeling what the hell am I going to do with my life.

Few days ago I was shattered with some news which figuratively rock my world. It was a burden I couldn’t carry alone without losing my mind which reminds me that I have friends who came to my aid. One thing I positively got out of all the negativity is that my faith grew stronger than before. It made me call God and beg for a miracle.

I am not okay. I am not fine. I feel pain – physically, emotionally and mentally. But when I look and try hard to observe around, I still am lucky that I am not dying and that I am not fighting in another part of this world. The only fight I need to deal with is within myself. To let go and to firmly believe that some day, one day everything will be better.

A Wandering Princess

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