I took a 2 night staycation in a five-star hotel. I honestly cannot say that it is because I needed “space” since I live alone hence I got all the “space” I need. I guess, I took it just to unwind and to really think through a situation or event that is called life. Was it successful? I’m not sure. All I did was swim in the hotel’s super awesome, crystal clear and not to mention a very warm water, indulged myself in their fine cuisine, danced away my thoughts in live all time favorite music and let my body float away in massage and spa. Clearly, I was not able to actually decide on what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have been in this situation a number of times wherein I always go to places to find myself only to realize that I have enjoyed myself so much in the moment that I forgot to go through what I am supposed to do or why I am in that place. Is it safe to say I failed – again?
As I am to capped off my last night in my ultimate favorite hotel – so far, I began to grasp my own dreaded question; what is it that I want to do with my life? All the recent travels, staycations, a bit night life has got me to nowhere but only a brief time of cheap thrill – wherein I reveled in the moment that I forgot about the future.
A number of people would say that you need to “live in the present” and without flicking an eyelash, I certainly agree. However, I also do believe that to be able to really live in the moment is that if you are also aware of what you really want in the long run for yourself. It may sound as old school as it may be but one is required to plan ahead as well and I guess I somehow failed.
At this point, I am still strolling in a vacant lot in my mind. Lost and pained. I don’t know where I belong. And all I ever wanted is to find my way back home.