Do you ever get that feeling when you are still not sure of what you need to do is right yet you have that so much urge to do so? Yep. It hit me, big time.
See, I deleted Pumpkin Head Jack off my life few weeks ago not only because we had an argument and that because his words hurt me but more importantly, I want to avoid whatever it was that I am feeling for that person (that was before). I knew back then that I will talk to him again someday because that is what I wanted. He is an amazing person and I do not want to lose him forever just because we had some ridiculous fight while I was at a party for my friend. Talk about bad timing right?
That day came.
I was walking around the neighborhood at about past 1:30 in the morning. The only thing that was with me were cars of my neighbors and a cat which is not mine but were so clingy to me. Anyway, at that time I knew how much I miss him and how much I wanted to chat with him again and so right there and then I told my self “screw it! I’m giving it another shot”. Of course at that time I did not know if he will ever respond after me leaving off without a “goodbye”.
I did not tell him I was going to delete the app where we communicate nor even mentioned I am cutting him off my life. During that time, I was hurt and the only thing I wanted was silence from him and to think what is going on between us ( it is not much but to me it was kind of close to the best thing). I “left” without saying a word not because I am a bad person rather because I know I can never say goodbye to him. He means something to me and now that I have come to realize it, he is actually someone who I want to meet one day. I do not care how many falling stars for me to wish for it to come true but I just know that one day I’d be able to actually see him smile. And just like that, everything else fades away.
A Wandering Princess