Clouded with Thoughts

To be quite honest, my senses only came back last night. I haven’t done a post for a long time and there is absolutely no excuse that is enough to validate my action. For the past few days I have been on hiatus from posting an entry, I went from being the “good” girl to an unknown persona. I cannot say it is that evil but definitely it is another event or rather, series of events I do not want to do again. If I have to be honest with myself, it is as worse as the things I did this January 2015 and as much as I want to write it all down, it is very much embarassing for me to do so.

On a second note, what is done is done. I chose to do those things and it is not something I should be proud of and the only reason I want to write it here is for me to be able to remind myself of such things I should avoid doing.

The past few days has been another ride in a rollercoaster. From drinking sprees – which I think I should really stop by the way unless I want to end up attending a AA to dating a guy nine years my junior to eventually ending my communication with people who are not worthy of me and my time to still being uncertain of whether to push through with the job I got accepted in, to figuring out if I still want to do nursing and finally, to fully accept and love myself for simply being my usual self. Yup. That was my week or weeks.

I am still confused and lost. I sometimes think of just leaving and starting a new life somewhere where there is no one who knows me. It is similar to running away. It is not good but staying is not an option either. There is just one thing that is keeping me from doing it which is my family because I do know and totally believe they will never be able to understand me and what I want to do in my life. Because the truth is, even I, do not know what exactly to do.

A Wandering Princess

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