Honestly, I’ve lost count as to how many fights we had, though one thing is for sure; all of them were ugly, some made me cry, made me hate myself and almost made us go our separate ways.
I often ask you and myself, what happened to us? We used to be fun, happy, easy-going but now almost everything seemed different. Before, I know I make you happy and laugh but now, I am not sure anymore.
We both know we are two human beings who are complicated in our own selves but why bring it out and have it clashed in a surface?
Truthfully, I am not expecting anything from you. You have gone through things that are beyond imaginable. Some of which, I will never be able to fully understand because what you experienced that made how you are right now can never be defined.
I do value you and I am fully accepting who you are. Believe me, I do and it was not easy. It never meant to be easy. I have lied to you. One lie… just one. But everything else is true.
I do not know if I am making any sense right now. All I know is that I have to write these feelings down. It is too much to bear especially now that I am still sick and too weak.
Being with you in this virtual world, made me become vulnerable to a lot of things such as happiness, pain, doubt among other things but I chose it because I want it and I know I will never choose otherwise nor regret this because it is beautiful. I learned to trust and have faith; which I lost when the worst thing happened to me.
I told you before, I never get mad easily. Though there was a time when I got so mad and I told you. Everything else, I am not mad so don’t think that way. If I am mad, I will tell you. I am not going to beat around the bush and be sarcastic about it. I would rather tell it to you than go fishing.
I want to keep this – whatever we have for as long as I can..